Archive for December, 2008
Don’t Be Nice in Front of Me
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008 | General, Politics | No Comments
Most of the time when a President leaves office he looks a lot older then when he was elected. I know he is older but I mean that he seems to have aged disproportionately more in those 4 or 8 years. If things keep progressing the way they have been, President Obama may look like Benjamin Button at the beginning of his life when he leaves office. As if the economic crisis wasn’t enough now he will have to face more problems in the Middle East.
I can understand that Hamas has attacked Israel and that Israel has the right to defend itself, but does it have the right to do more? If I remember from the Old Testament playbook it is not an eye for a spleen. Please don’t tell me that the Israelis have a right to eradicate Hamas because they are a threat because that’s what Hamas is saying about the Israelis.
Of course I won’t be solving this problem anytime soon, so I am trying to make things easier on me. A couple of days ago I was coming to a stop and a car was coming out of the parking lot. The car in front of me stopped and let the other car ahead of him. I quickly stopped. Then I prayed that the car in back would not be coming home with me. As I was waiting, it suddenly dawned on me that the car in front of me thought that he had done a good deed by letting the other car go in front of him. From my point of view, however, he had inconvenienced me and therefore had done a bad deed. Now I know that two wrongs don’t make a right but a right and a wrong make a neutral.
So I think we should agree to this rule. If you are in front of me don’t be nice; that guy leaving the 7/11 will have to wait for a break in traffic. If, however, the Black Toyota coming out of the Piggly Wiggly has me behind the wheel; do a good deed and let me out.
A Wallstreet Carol
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008 | Economics | 1 Comment
G. Reed Ewallstreeter was not happy. It was Christmas Eve and the damn government was going to ruin his Christmas. His maid was getting the day off and now because of the government meddling he was not going to get his bonus. So he was going to have to cook for himself and he wasn’t going to be in Maui. Could life get any worse?
Jennifer, who he secretly called Little Miss Sunshine because she was always collecting for the people who couldn’t handle their finances, popped into his office. “Mr. Ewallstreeter, Slyvia from the secretarial pool is getting married and we are collecting for her and also Mr. Stein and you owe me for the Toys for Tots campaign.”
“Toys for Tots! What did I get?”
“You got Iron Man toys and it only cost $45.00″
” Next time instead of Toys for Tots can we do something useful with my money like donating to Jobs for Jerkoffs. Who is this Sylvia that I should be supporting cause she can’t marry someone with money.”
“She worked for you for three months last year when I was on medical leave.”
“Okay, I remember her. How much did Stein give?”
“Mr Stein is not going to be donating.”
“Good, then I won’t be the cheapest bastard when I give $5. If Stein isn’t donating he ain’t gonna be getting much for his collection. Why are we collecting for him?”
“Actually, we are collecting for his widow.”
“Really! He’s the one with the young hot wife?”
“I guess.”
“I think it only fair that I personally see how she is doing. Anything else before I go?”
“Your ex-wife, Sarah called and she wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow.”
“If that’s all, I’m leaving”
“Merry Christmas.”
“Bah Humbug!”
He went home and after a dinner of left over Chinese food went to sleep.
Around eleven o’clock, he was awakened by what sounded to him like chains, rattling. He thought to himself immediately, “It must be Mistress Rhonda. But I don’t remember ordering her services tonight.”
Through his bedroom door came a vision, not anywhere near the vision of Mistress Rhonda, but a ghostly image of his ex-partner, Jacob Marley. The vision called to him, “G. Reed, I’m your ex-partner, Jacob Marley. You still owe me twenty bucks. But I’m here to save you anyway. Tonight at twelve, one, and two, you will be visited. This may help you mend the error of your ways.” With that, the ghost turned and left the room.
“Wait, Marley, I’ll write you a check for that twenty I owe you.” Then he said to himself, “I don’t know what this is. Probably that Chinese food. Maybe I can sue him.” He went back to sleep.
At midnight another vision appeared. “I am the ghost of Christmas Past.”
“Can I get some identification? I mean, I recognized Marley. I don’t know who the hell you are.”
“I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. I am going to show you how your life was before you got so greedy.”
With that, he was whisked away to a religion class. There Father Joseph was running the annual Christmas Party for the poor. G. Reed saw himself listening to the priest ramble on about it is more blessed to give than to receive.
The Ghost said to him. “See how happy your are, Your face is awash with joy. Look, you believe what the priest is saying so much that you willingly gave your coat to the little Jones boy.”
” I guess you’re right. Being good does make you happy” G. Reed thought to himself that what this didn’t llustrate was that he gave the Jones kid the jacket to impress his sister. He subsequently convinced her to be more blessed by giving and his younger brother got hit for losing his jacket.
The Ghost took him back. At one the next Ghost came
“Tick tock” G. Reed said ” You are two minutes late. If the next one comes late he’ll have to reschedule. I know you are the present guy here to show me some heart tugging things. Let’s get on with it.
“Thanks for shitting on my entrance” the Present Ghost said. Sarcastically he said “by all means let’s get this over with”
With that he was transported to Jennifer at the Mission for the Displaced. There she was helping a little boy.
“Don’t tell me, He is going to die if I don’t help him.”
“No, he isn’t but she is. She decides to leave your employ because of your ways and goes to Africa where she is killed by rebels.”
” Gee, that sucks. Don’t tell me, I now go to my ex-wife’s place and she really wants me back.”
“No, we threw in the old wife in case we had to pad this story more.”
The third Ghost arrived on time.
“I know I’m going to die and no one will care. Maybe we can skip this part?”
“No damn it, you are well liked. You fund research and a library. You mess around with Mrs Stein then when her daughter turns twenty, you marry her and she’s even hotter. You unintentionally save Jennifer because you fire her on the day that Father Joseph comes to visit and she joins his work.”
“So I’m rich and it all works out for me”
“Doesn’t it always?”
“I guess I have a wonderful life”
“You’ll have to talk to Clarence about that.”
Happy Holidays — Warren
Warren in Wonderland
Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 | Politics | No Comments
I don’t like to think of myself as naive( i know, how naive) but recently I’ve had my doubts. Some of my beliefs have been changed into misconceptions. What brought about this sea change of beliefs? The answer is Caroline Kennedy.
I used to believe that we were different from England in that we did not have a royal family. I thought that the belief that some people were divinely ordained to rule was a concept that we purged with the end of the Revolution. It seems to be at odds with that “all men are created equal” part of our heritage. I realize that when President Kennedy was assassinated the world was shocked but I was more shocked when I found out the way that his father made all of the money that put JFK in office. Does the end justify the means?
I thought that Obama was going to change the status quo. He was going to get rid of the old boy network. He has, since the election, put so many Clinton cronies in office that I guess he meant that he would get rid of the old boy network and replace it with the good old boy network.
I’ll admit that I used to believe my grade school civics teacher that anyone can become President. I now know that only the rich can be President. This wouldn’t be so bad except it means that any man who becomes President is beholden to the fat cats that get people elected. This leads me to Caroline Kennedy. She is being talked about as the replacement for Senator Clinton’s Senate seat.
The experts will tell you that the endorsements of Ted and Caroline were crucial for Obama in winning the Presidency. I may be naive enough to believe that Senator Clinton was not promised a place in the government in exchange for her campaigning for Obama. I’m not naive enough to believe promises were not made to the Kennedys.
What worries me most is that I was so afraid of being naive that I wasted my vote. I could have voted for Paris Hilton.
Am I, My Brother’s Keeper?
Tuesday, December 9th, 2008 | Politics | No Comments
You know, this is one of those questions that even God did not answer very well. God did condemn Cain to walk the earth with that little “mark” but that turned out to be more like a blueprint for Secret Service protection. Cain had to walk the earth but no one could kill him without incurring the wrath of the Big Guy (yes, I could have used the term Big Girl for those of you who believe that God is a woman but that would have entailed me calling God a girl which the Divine Entity may well be. The problem would then be, calling God a girl and then calling Her big which could be tantamount to calling God a Fat Girl, talk about incurring wrath).
If Cain was responsible weren’t Adam and Eve? How far does responsibility go? This brings us to the recent Blagojevich problem. Is it fair to Barack Obama to question whether he is involved in this? After a hard fought campaign I would have thought that he might be involved in more serious pursuits, like the economy. It is easy to be cynical, I find it very easy, but can’t we wait till Obama gets into office before we castigate him?
Be Careful What You Ask For
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 | Politics | 2 Comments
There is still a chance that the Democrats may get the Mythical 60 seats in the Senate. The Democrats have sent everyone but FDR and Obama to Georgia. Coleman seems to be in the lead in MInnesota. Is 60 seats good for the Democrats?
Yes and No. Yes, it is good for the Democrats if they get the 60 because despite the fact that Obama wants to unite the Republicans and the Democrats I doubt that we will be in for a “Kumbaya” moment any time soon. The difference between the Democrats and Republicans is two years. The Democrats have two years to prove that they can change things and keep there lead in the Congress. The Republicans have to prove that Democrats can’t change things. With 60 Senate seats the Republicans can’t easily stop them.
The economy is going to be the Democrats “Gettysburg” in this Civil War. If they get the economy back on track then the American people might not change horses. We might give Obama another term to give us healthcare or cut our taxes but we have to have the economy on track. With a majority in the Congress and a Democratic President it would be like The Yankees playing a little league team and losing. No matter how many times the Yankees blamed their lost to the sun being in their eyes. short of them looking into a solar eclipse nobody would accept their excuse.
The Answer is No. Winning 60 seats would not be good for the Democrats. Our economy is in bad shape and I feel the most optiimistic projection of our economy recovering is about a year away. Democrats may have to go back on their word and raise taxes. Healthcare may remain out of the reach of the common man. They would have the advantage of blaming the Republicans. If Democrats think they can’t do all they want, all they have to do is add a lot of spending to a bill for healthcare and the Senate Republicans would filabuster. Be careful what you ask for, you may get it or not.